Anxiety and High Achievers: Losing the Anxious Edge without Losing Yourself
Anxiety is a part of life and can often be the thing that pushes us beyond our comfortable limits. Think back to the last test you had to take, presentation you had to make, or difficult conversation you had to have with someone. Concerns about doing well leads to an anxious feeling that can drive us to study more, polish that presentation, or rehearse that tough conversation before we confront someone.
When the Anxiety is Out of Control
Physiologically, our bodies do not know the difference between exciting stress and anxious stress, and so people who harness their anxiety for motivation may feel that anxiety is beneficial or even critical for their well-being. Being a high achieving person with anxiety can cause real problems when seeking treatment, for several reasons:
High-achieving people have often been anxious since childhood or their teens, and so it feels like it is just “part of life” or “part of who they are.”
High-achieving people may have a hard time admitting they need help because everything “looks” fine.
High-achieving people may believe that without their anxiety, they will lose motivation.
High-achieving people may believe that without their achievements, they will not be liked or loved.
The challenge—and most of the work in therapy—is to identify when the need to achieve is a compulsion versus when it is a choice. Any time I hear words like “I should,” “I ought to,” or “I have to,” it tells me that a client is feeling a compulsion to achieve. Their anxiety is pushing them to do more and more, even if extra effort is unwanted or unnecessary.
Being You and Being at Peace
When dealing with anxious high achievers, the goal is not to eliminate achievement. Instead, our goal is to reduce or eliminate the anxiety so that a client can make choices in their own best interests and not act compulsively. There are several steps to this process.
Understand the difference between high achievement and perfection. High achievers with anxiety issues often feel that they “should do more.” If you ask them, there is always something that could have been better about the dinner they made or the speech they gave. Perfection is an unattainable goal and learning to recognize that 98 or 99% is okay lets high achievers retain their abilities without the anxiety.
Challenge beliefs that lead to anxious high achievement. Clients with chronic anxiety often have beliefs that if they are not anxious, they will do nothing, or that if they make a mistake, they will be a failure. Addressing these kinds of all-or-nothing beliefs, including any that may be rooted in the past, increases our ability to be flexible and make choices in the present.
Creating a new sense of self without anxiety. High achievers with anxiety can have difficulty creating a new sense of themselves as peaceful or easy-going. If we are not hard-charging perfectionists driven to continually succeed, then who are we? Working with clients to identify their core self, free from anxiety, is one of the best parts of this process.
You Can Have Both High-Achievement and Peace
Being a calm and peaceful high achiever is possible, and I would love to help you do. Please do not hesitate to book an appointment or call the office to discuss your options.