Does Pre-Marriage Counseling Really Help?
Marriage can be a scary and overwhelming decision, and for good reason. About half of all first marriages end in divorce and that number rises for second marriages and again for third marriages. These rates have remained stable despite the higher number of cohabitations before marriage and people waiting longer before marriage. Because of these facts, it is important to build a strong foundation of the relationship before marriage.
What is pre-marriage counseling?
Pre-marriage counseling is preventative counseling. As I have worked with couples as a marriage counselor, I sometimes wish I had the opportunity to see them before their conflict had escalated to the point of near divorce. Some of what is addressed in pre-marriage counseling includes:
Exploring personality traits of the partners and how those traits might manifest in in different situations
Identifying strengths and areas for growth in the relationship
Strengthening communication skills
Resolving past conflicts
Reviewing and comparing family backgrounds and how these might impact the relationship in the future
Discussing financial issues (finances are one of the top reasons for divorce)
Setting personal, couple, and family goals
What pre-marriage counseling is NOT?
Pre-marriage counseling is not meant to tell you if you will or won't succeed in marriage. It is also not meant to box you into a set way of how marriage or relationships "should be." It is important to remember that each person and relationship is unique, and that uniqueness should be celebrated, not diminished. Good pre-marriage counseling helps you get to know each other better in order to go into marriage more prepared.
Is pre-marriage counseling effective?
The most widely used and researched pre-marriage counseling assessment and approach used is Prepare/Enrich. This has been found to improve chances of success by 30%. It also has been found to improve communication and reduce conflicts in the relationship. This is partly because of the skills worked on in counseling and partly because you are going into the marriage with more realistic expectations of your partner, the relationship, and yourself. Pre-marriage counseling is not, however, a guarantee of a successful marriage. Marriage is still an ongoing work in progress. As each partner grows and changes it is important to grow the relationship. This is why it can be good to meet with a counselor every few years to continue building on your relationship.