Setting Healthy Boundaries During COVID
What are boundaries?
According to licensed marriage and family therapist, Jenn Kennedy, “Boundaries give a sense of agency over one’s physical space, body, and feelings.”
There are so many different ways that someone may cross our personal boundaries. Often, we don’t even recognize a boundary is crossed until we are triggered into an incredibly uncomfortable emotional experience.
There is so much to consider when it comes to boundaries. Do your boundaries differ from person to person? Are they tight? Loose? Have you considered the difference between your psychological, emotional, and physical boundaries? How have your boundaries been crossed in the past? What does it look like to communicate your boundaries to others? It can feel overwhelming to explore what boundaries mean for us.
So, why would we put ourselves through the discomfort of setting healthy boundaries? Increasing our awareness around what our boundaries are and communicating these boundaries to family, friends, colleagues, and even strangers have plenty of benefits. Some of those benefits include:
Increasing our independence and personal agency
Honoring our emotional experience
Gaining the ability to communicate our needs/wants to others
Experiencing less toxicity within our relationships
During COVID it might feel necessary to have more tight boundaries. Having more rigid boundaries allows us to continue on a path of emotional health when circumstances feel particularly draining or difficult. Now, talking about setting healthy boundaries isn’t the tough part. The tough part is engaging in these conversations, even when it feels completely against your nature. So let me first start by saying, this is so NORMAL. This process can feel uncomfortable. It’s a possibility that your loved one may not respond well. I encourage you to gently investigate what feelings are coming up for you as you think about engaging in boundary setting.
How does one begin the process of setting boundaries?
Step 1: Identify where and with whom it feels that there is a lack of boundaries
Step 2: Indicate various coping tools to stay grounded before engaging in the conversation
Step 3: Begin with a soft start-up. This may sound something like
I feel_______when______because_______what I need is__________.
Step 4: Continue to enforce those boundaries to ensure that you able to conserve your emotional energy
Some friendly reminders as you move through this process:
Let go of the guilt
It’s okay to ask for what you want/need
No is a complete sentence
It is not your job to fix/save others
It is not possible to be liked by everyone or please everyone
Being true to your authentic self will bring a sense of freedom and joy
Start small and see how it goes. Slowly you will begin to see the results of leaning into this discomfort and feel empowered to be an agent in your life. Boundary setting can feel challenging and your mental health is worth the risk.