What to Do When Your Child Does Not Get Along With Their Siblings
Did you know that siblings are most people's longest-lasting relationships? According to the American Psychological Association, young adults with poor sibling relationships are more likely to experience major depression and use of mood-altering drugs in their fifties. If you are a parent who is concerned about your child and their sibling relationship, this blog post will highlight why siblings fight and ways you can support a positive sibling relationship.
Why Do Siblings Fight and What You Can Parents Do About It
Combat sibling rivalry with cultivating special 1:1 playtime
Sibling rivalry is normal. The number one reason why children fight is a battle for parental attention. Specifically, differences in parental attention increase underlying feelings jealousy, rage, and resentment towards the other child. To address this issues, carving out at least 20 to 30 minutes of special 1:1 playtime with your child allows parents to intentionally focus on simply “being with” your child. Additionally, parents are then better able to understand their child and have a unique view in their inner thoughts and feelings, including any worries related to siblings. Additionally, the book Siblings without Rivalry is a classic for a reason. This book offers helpful tips and encouragement for parents who want to decrease sibling fights and stress.
Set clear expectations in the household
Set similar expectations in terms of family rules, responsibilities in the household, and similar discipline. This helps siblings to recognize values of fairness, responsibility, honesty, and respect.
Reflect on your sibling experience
Imagine your children are playing a game and one person loses. The next thing you hear is yelling and frustration (and maybe some tears to follow.) Now think back on your experience as a child and how your parents addressed the issue. Were they an executioner and/or judge when they have only seen five seconds of an interaction and said “Stop picking on your (insert sibling’s name.)”? What did that feel like for you? How do you think the similar situation is negatively affecting your children?
Role model healthy conflict management
Sibling conflict is an learning opportunity to model healthy conflict resolution. For example, parents can share with their child that everyone is an equal contributor to the household, and we are all responsible for being respectful and kind to one another. Dr. Coulson, well-being and relationship keynote speaker, and co-host the Happy Families podcast suggests that parents facilitates his vicious circle strategy, which models empathy and accountability. This exercise allows the parent to invite each child to sit down at a table, the parent takes a pen and paper and write down what Child A said and what Child B. Then ask Child B to repeat the statement “I felt this (insert emotion) when (Insert what Child B did). Please stop.” Then vice versa for Child B. After the conversation, the parent will share what was written on the paper and discuss how both children can contribute to a positive outcome (which is an apology.) The key takeaway is that each child must listen and remain silent to hear all of this and utilize their emotional literacy skill.
If you are looking for more support on strengthen your child’s sibling relationships, contact Resolve at 913-735-0577 or email intake@kcresolve.com to book a child therapy appointment.
-Angelique Foye-Fletcher