Tips for Couples During COVID
Hands up if your relationship with your partner has taken a toll over the last few months! You are not alone in feeling like navigating the waters of a global pandemic and relationship turmoil is just plain exhausting. Maybe you are the couple that has been quarantined with your partner more than you would like. Maybe you are feeling the stress of schedule changes, financial hardships, and childcare. Many feel unclear about how to prioritize their relationship with their partner right now. So how do we find time to balance everything going on and support our partner?
According to Drs. John and Julie Gottman there are particular ways to begin the process of re-engaging with your partner. I am going to cover just a few. The first idea discovered by the Gottmans is to share fondness and admiration. Now, what exactly does it mean to share fondness and admiration with my significant other? Being able to turn towards your partner and share specific ways you appreciate them is vital. This can feel both intimidating and vulnerable in a lot of ways. Start small! This might be a simple comment, such as “I like how you prioritized taking the dog on a walk today” or “I am proud of how much effort you are putting towards this project at work.” Be specific. Be genuine. Have a caring attitude. Words of validation can begin to shift the tone in relationships dramatically.
When couples can describe attraction for the partner, as well as feelings of pride and joy, it helps to build an alliance. It lets your partner know that you see them and that you not only love them, but you like them. Reflect on how might you begin to notice and validate certain characteristics of your partner?
The Gottman’s discovered that creating shared meaning within a relationship is also a contributor to relationship satisfaction. There are quite a few ways that couples can begin to create shared meaning within the relationship.
Create rituals within your relationship.
Discuss your dreams. Both big and small. How can you as a unit begin to pursue and achieve those dreams together?
Consider your values as a couple and how you are aligned in those values.
Investigate your long-term and short-term goals as a couple.
Describe your strengths as a couple and what you are doing well within the relationship.
Collaborate on projects, volunteerism opportunities, and hobbies.
It certainly isn’t easy to remember to engage your partner in these ways. Brainstorm ways in which you can begin to practice these healthy ways of communicating. The more you practice the more natural and authentic it will begin to feel. Setting aside a designated time with your partner, regularly, to connect in a meaningful way may help to ease the anxiety around these conversations.
We can all use a little guidance on ways to connect and support our partners. If you are looking for someone to journey with you and your significant other and be a catalyst to healthy communication within your relationship I would be honored to walk alongside you. Please, contact Resolve Counseling to set up an appointment.