3 Tips for Making the Holidays Meaningful in Spite of the COVID Crisis
Perhaps the most memorable words I heard this year came from CNN reporter, Jake Tapper, as he described the first presidential debate of 2020: “That was a hot mess, inside a dumpster fire, inside a train wreck.” While he was referring to the disastrous exchange between Donald Trump and Joe Biden, I think many of us have come to use these words to describe 2020 in general. They’re fitting, really. This year has been a challenging and terrifying ride for most humans. Yet, here we are. The holidays look very different this year. Most of us will not be attending holiday parties and having large family gatherings. Instead, we’ll be donning masks to run our last-minute errands and suspiciously questioning family and friends we may encounter about recent COVID-19 testing and potential exposures. Staying home and washing hands have never been sexier.
Coping with COVID this holiday season means acknowledging the genuine losses of this year. For many, this may be the first Christmas they’ve celebrated without a loved one. Others may not have been able to afford presents and other luxuries due to job loss and entire companies folding. Pretending that COVID isn’t happening or trying to convince yourself that this holiday season will be just like the others is probably not the most helpful frame of mind. This season WILL be different, AND it can still be totally enjoyable. Managing your expectations and genuinely grieving the loss of typical traditions like spending time with loved ones is more honest than pretending this holiday season will be like seasons past. Bearing this in mind, here are a few tips to help you navigate this strange time:
Set boundaries and ask for needs.
If you are grieving the death of a loved, job loss, or any stressor that is tainting your holiday spirit, give yourself some grace. Feel whatever you are feeling with the greatest amount of compassion you can muster. Then, identify your needs and set some boundaries. You may need social support, or you may need to be alone. Well-meaning family, friends and coworkers, may blow up your phone hoping to help, but you might find it overwhelming. It’s totally fair to send an email or text that acknowledges your loss and asks for privacy (example: “I know you are sorry for my loss, and for the time being, I request that you do not bring it up. Thank you for understanding.”). Set boundaries around communication frequency, acceptable dinner-table topics, level of exposure to others, and any other factors that may affect your enjoyment of the holidays. The opposite may be also true—you may find yourself isolating and ruminating, and you might need some social connection. Asking for support from a friend, family member, or therapist can provide so much relief and healing when we feel alone. Feel into what you need.
This can include boundaries with yourself too! If spending too much time on social media is bringing up sadness and envy, or the news keeps sending you into a panic, place limits on your media consumption!
Boundaries can be hard to set and enforce. It’s important to remember they are not a rejection of others or vice versa. They simply protect your peace and wellbeing so that you can show up for yourself in a way that feels grounded in you, and so that others can show up for you in the way that you need. It IS kind to let people know how to love us, and for us to learn to listen when others tell us how we can best care for them. When we take care of ourselves first, we also increase our capacity to be present for others. Do what you need to do to make the holidays feel safe and enjoyable for you.
2. Seek “Hygge”
If anyone has mastered surviving cold, mushy weather it’s the Danes with their notoriously brutal winters. Despite having to stay indoors much of the year, they repeatedly rank as one of the happiest countries in the world according to the World Happiness Report (usually occupying 1st or 2nd place out of 155 countries, whereas the US typically hovers around 18th-19th). Of course, many systemic factors play into this, but for the purpose of exploring self-care, the Danish concept of hygge is a helpful one. Pronounced sort of like “hue-guh,” it refers to a mood of cozy contentment. For example, reading a book on a rainy day under a comfy blanket with a cup of hot cocoa could be seen as embracing the hygge life. The Danes also burn more candles per capita than any other country in the world, (carefully) creating an ambiance of warmth and light in the midst of a long, dark winter. Hygge can be anything from snuggling with the dog while letting a stroopwafel warm up on top of your tea, to taking a walk in nature with a friend. Find whatever it is that takes YOU to that safe, cozy, content place in your mind, and allow yourself to indulge in the experience.
3. Create NEW holiday traditions and rituals.
While you can put a new spin on old traditions, such as having some long-distance family members “present” for dinner via Zoom, it’s important to acknowledge that it will FEEL different. That’s not always a bad thing. In fact, there are some traditions that may be MORE enjoyable with fewer people. A small, intimate family game night, or a couple’s toast to the new year while snuggled up on the couch may be more meaningful and less hectic than the typical holiday festivities. Plus, if you come from a large family, you don’t have to consider so many different opinions and preferences on celebratory activities. Take this time at home as an opportunity to create new traditions that are special to you. I’ve heard of some households deciding to do celebrate the holidays with a short family hike, small-scale baking contests, Christmas movie marathons, backyard games, scrapbooking and crafting projects, trying new drink recipes, turning the living room into a dance party (my family got sucked into a Dance Dance Revolution videogame one year and it’s still one of my favorite holiday memories), gratitude practices, and other rituals they have wanted to try, but that would require more coordination and supplies to accommodate a larger group. Find something fun and quirky to try this year that will create lasting memories. This may even be your excuse to hole up in a secluded cabin for a while with no obligations, no one to answer to, and all the free time to just unwind.
A Take Home Message
Just because COVID has impacted so many facets of our lives today, it doesn’t mean the holiday season is doomed. While our celebrations may be smaller, they can still be lively and full of joy. Or quiet and peaceful if that’s what you prefer! Take some time now to connect with yourself. Get in touch with your own needs and desires so that you can set the stage for a memorable holiday. If 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that sometimes a slower pace is good for the soul. In the midst of all the chaos, I hope you slow down, take care of yourself, and find peace this holiday season.