Breaking up with your Therapist
Have you ever thought about going to therapy and worried about “what if it’s not a good fit” or “what if I want to stop therapy, how would I tell them that?” Then you’re not alone. This is a common barrier to people starting therapy altogether or ending it in a therapeutic way.
As clinicians, we go through hours and hours of training on “termination” which in every day terms means “ending things.” The therapeutic relationship is still a relationship. It can be awkward at first, have bumps along the way, and when you are ready to end it, often times a person is left feeling uneasy, unsure, and even distressed. These uncomfortable emotions are normal. Therapists are trained for this, so if you have a therapist who can’t handle termination then you should probably be finding another therapist anyways. This doesn’t mean that therapists are immune to feeling let down or sad when a client decides to stop treatment or find another therapist, but that is something the therapist can and should work through on their own. It’s not your responsibility to try and protect your therapist from feeling hurt or angry.
A few things to keep in mind:
Termination should be discussed from the beginning of the therapeutic process. The therapist should do their best to ensure there is an open line of communication for feedback and if you want to terminate earlier than originally discussed.
It is still a relationship so it may bring up new feelings you weren’t expecting when you are ready to end the relationship. Therefore, it could be helpful to discuss these feelings in session prior to terminating. Especially if you’ve struggled with feeling abandoned, rejected, or had trauma with attachments in your life, ending a relationship with your therapist in a healthy, mature, and meaningful way can be one of the most beneficial phases of treatment.
Ask your therapist if he/she is open to re-establishing care in the future if needed.
Even if you struggle to have a face to face conversation, at least send an email letting him/her know you’re not returning. Trust me, when a client doesn’t show up for the session and doesn’t return your call we worry. We worry a lot and just want to know you’re okay.
Try not to let the fear of ending a relationship with a therapist be the reason you never start in the first place. You are worth it, and you deserve to feel better.