An Open Letter for Those Living with Chronic Illness and Pain
To those who have heard the following,
“But you don’t look sick.”
“Maybe you should lose some weight.”
“The pain is all in your head.”
“You’re always tired.”
“Have you tried yoga?”
I hear you. I see you. I believe you.
Living with chronic illness and pain can seem helpless, hopeless, and can force you to confront both the physical and emotional ups and downs of everyday life.
Maybe the hardest part for you is the chronic fatigue, maybe it’s the constant doctors’ visits, or having to educate folks around you. It could be not getting to wear your favorite pair of shoes anymore, missing out on activities and hobbies that you love, hearing recommendations, or attempting to change your diet to experience relief, maybe it’s the side effects from your medication, or never feeling comfortable or healthy, it could be your experience of isolation or the denial or disbelief you hear from medical professionals. Perhaps it’s never feeling understood or trying to hide your pain from those around you. My guess would be it’s a combination of it all.
Above everything, I wonder if the hardest part is knowing that one day you woke up sick and the next you realized that you may never get better?
The kind of grief that accompanies this reality is astounding. I want you to know above all else, that it isn’t your fault. The flare-ups you experience are not because you aren’t trying hard enough to feel well.
It’s okay to feel like your body has betrayed you at times. It’s okay to have moments when you grieve the loss of the old, healthier you.
Getting to engage in life without wondering how much pain it may cause you is a privilege and when you lose that privilege it may feel challenging at times. Allow yourself to go through the whole spectrum of emotions. It’s not until you grieve your old life and healthy body that you will be able to accept your new reality and move forward in an adapted way.
Some days will be good, others, not so much. Because healing is nonlinear and so are your symptoms. Acceptance does not mean feeling upset at times or that your life suddenly becomes easier, rather, acceptance is about letting go of the “shoulds” around your body and embracing where your body is at in this very moment. Acceptance means taking care of your body in whatever way that might look like today. You deserve that care, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
With warmth,
Annie Bretches, LPC, LCPC