Coping During the Holidays

♪It’s the most wonderful time of the year♪

During the holiday season we are greeted with holiday carols in just about every store we walk into and are reminded that this time of year is about family, vacations, much needed time off and having the holiday spirit...at least that is what we are told. 

What if for some the holiday season is not the most wonderful time of year? This is a reality for many people, especially considering all that we as humans have been through during the past two years and all that we continue to navigate.  Does this mean that there is something wrong with people who fall into this category? Absolutely not. 

While the holiday season is certainly a favorite time for many people, the message that we are supposed to be “joyous and festive” is often pushed heavily by social media and our culture. The truth is that there is another side to the holiday season that is almost purposefully not spoken about. Just ask any therapist, and they will share how many people come in during the holidays for things such as feeling overwhelmed, financial concerns, navigating sensitive family dynamics and feelings of loss and grief. 

If you find yourself connecting with these concerns, know that you are not alone. While the thought of breaking family traditions, canceling plans or simply choosing not to go to a family event may bring feelings of guilt or shame, know that you have a right to set those boundaries for yourself. Boundaries during the holidays can sound like: 

I don’t feel comfortable attending if so-and-so will be there

I appreciate the invitation, but this year I am choosing to stay home

I can host, but I need volunteers to help with...

I am going to head (upstairs, outside, etc.) and get some quiet time

I would appreciate it if we do not discuss (insert topic) tonight 

We won’t be able to stay all night, but are really looking forward to dinner

Friends and family may not agree or understand our boundaries, but we must remember that we are doing so for our wellbeing and must remain firm. Choosing to put ourselves first feels uncomfortable and wrong because we are not encouraged to do so but allow yourself grace during this holiday season if you are finding it difficult this year. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking care of you first. 

While there is no quick fix for eliminating the stress that comes during this time of year, there are certainly ways we can choose to navigate it more effectively without feeling guilty for taking care of us.  

-Oscar Orozco-Aguilar, LCSW, LMSW