Leave your Resolutions in 2022
As you’ve settled into the new year, you may have brought with you some resolutions or goals for the upcoming year. I am here to tell you to leave those in the past where they belong!
New year's resolutions often fail. Why? Because they encourage all-or-nothing, perfectionist thinking. We’ve all been there. It feels great to sit down and think about the overly ambitious habits we will magically wake up and have as soon as the clock strikes midnight on January 1st. It is exhilarating to imagine how life could be if we eat healthier, workout more, cut back on screen time, cut out sugar, or sleep better. As the dust settles and we take on our goals that very first day, one major thing stands in our way and this thing HATES change, even positive change. This thing is no small thing, it is actually a very major thing and that thing is the brain. The brain is wired to keep with the status quo, stick to what it knows, and man does it resist change. On top of that, we can put a lot of pressure on our overly ambitious goals. For example, if someone wants to be more active they may say “Okay in 2023 I am going to start going to the gym 6 days a week”. Okay, that is cute in theory but if that is drastically out of the norm, your brain is not going to like that very much. Plus it’s easy to fall victim to the classically popular cognitive distortion, All-or-Nothing thinking. All-or-nothing thinking sounds a bit like this: “Hmmm I won’t make it to the gym tomorrow or Wednesday so I might as well skip this week and start fresh on Monday.” Is there logic to this?? Nope! And that’s why we call it a distortion.
You may be thinking “Okay I hear you. So I am not supposed to make big lofty resolutions. Then what can I do to work towards a healthier me?” I am so glad you asked! Follow these tips below to reach your goals.
Instead of a resolution, focus on a VISION of what you want your day to day to look like. If you want to be more active, envision what this lifestyle would look like. Then simply align your choices with this vision throughout the day. For example, as you pull into the parking lot at work, does parking as close as possible to the front door align with your active vision, or the back of the parking lot? How about taking the escalator instead of the stairs? How about your lunch break where you can either sit at your desk and watch youtube, or go on a walk and check in on a friend? Small changes, one choice at a time, can cause a snowball effect into bigger habits. And it is a lot more friendly on the brain.
Work against that All-or-Nothing cognitive distortion. Say your vision for the new year is to eat less sugar. You’ve made it a few days and have done pretty well until you walk into your office’s kitchen and UH OH….there on the counter is a fresh box of Crispy Creams. You start to feel sweaty, the donuts are calling you close and you have thoughts like “I shouldn’t have one”. Should statements are not helpful here. Stop “shoulding” yourself and replace your “should”s with “could”s. Should implies that the opposite is bad, and it can lead to a feeling of shame. Shame can be paralyzing, lead to overwhelm and then before you know it you’ve said “Screw it I am going to only eat donuts for the rest of the day and I will start fresh tomorrow”! Instead, by saying “I could have the donut. Or I could not. It is just a donut and it is just a choice,” this way of thinking takes the emotional pressure out of it and keeps the focus on the individual decision.
Pay close attention to how you are talking to yourself. Instead of thinking “I am working on reading more”, try “I am a reader”. Instead of “I am trying to be more active” think “I am an active person”. Cognitive Behavioral therapy tells us that our thoughts, feelings and behaviors are all connected. Pay close attention to how your thoughts are actually limiting you.
Don’t write resolutions, write affirmations! If any of the above resonates with you, focus on 3-5 affirmations that you can read throughout the day. These affirmations can help align you with your new vision such as “I take care of my body and mind” or it can simply be a reminder to be more kind to yourself “you are brave and can handle hard things.” Put these affirmations where you will see them such as in your car, on your bathroom mirror or your phone background.
Happy New Year!
Aerial Feeback, LSCSW