Four Ways Parents Can Manage Holiday Stress
Last week, you may have celebrated the holiday of Thanksgiving. If not, there are many holidays during this time of year you may be celebrating instead. Either way, this time of year is supposed to be a festive time of fun and family connection; however, for many, the holidays also spark a feeling of underlying dread and anxiety of a hectic and rushed time. Holiday parties, buying presents and getting out those yearly greeting cards are just a few of the things we add to our already hectic schedules during this time of year. We all want our children to have warm and happy memories of the holidays so here are a few tips to help manage the anxiety that comes with the season and enjoy this special time with our kids:
Lead by example - When schedules are rushed and our to-do lists are long, it’s easy to become stressed and overwhelmed. This can lead to meltdowns….not only of our kids but for us as adults too. We are the role models for our children and how we deal with our stress and anxiety has an impact on how children manage their own. Taking care of our own emotional needs goes a long way in teaching this important skill to our children. Taking a few minutes to practice calming strategies during stressful times can help children follow suit. Taking a few deep breaths, spending five minutes of quiet time reading a book or listening to calming music are all ways to help re-fill our cup so that we can approach our kids in a calm and present manner. When we manage our own stress in a calm and controlled way our children are more likely to learn the skills they need to regulate their own emotions.
Have realistic expectations - Every store, advertisement and television commercial after Halloween is about holidays and how to make them extraordinary, which can lead to pressure to make the most fabulous holiday food, bake the best holiday treats and buy the latest gifts for our children. However, no one can meet these unrealistic expectations and thinking we can just causes more anxiety. What are the most important parts of the holiday for YOUR family? Maybe it’s spending more time as a family watching holiday movies, having an afternoon of decorating cookies together or spending a day volunteering. Maybe it’s paring down the list of gatherings to attend and only choosing the ones that are really important. Putting your focus on what’s the most important to your own family values will help make the holidays less about the gifts and more about the meaning of the season for your family.
Structure and Routine - Although being off school for a few weeks feels carefree and fun, we know children thrive on routine and structure. Rules may be more relaxed around the holidays with less strict bedtimes and more screen time allowed, but having a game plan, still, can be helpful. This can be as simple as a conversation at the breakfast table about what to expect for the day or posting a family calendar to create a sense of predictability. Planning a few activities in advance can be helpful for when boredom strikes, such as play dates with a friend, going to the movies or taking advantage of the many free or low cost activities around town. If you have expectations of things your child needs to do for the day, some simple chores for example, be sure to include those on the list as well. Using a “when/then” statement can be helpful in being sure these expectations are met, for example “WHEN your chores are done, THEN we’ll go ice skating” or “WHEN your chores are done, you can go outside and play”. Kids need plenty of fresh air and time outside to be sure to include some of that in the daily schedule as well.
Simplify - Holiday overwhelm doesn’t have to be inevitable. What are the things that stress you out the most? Is it not having enough time to put meals on the table? Does thinking about going to the mall to buy gifts cause you to break out in hives? Take advantage of resources that can help lighten the load. Pick up a few meals each week from a meal preparation or delivery services or grab a few ready-made meals at the grocery store to eliminate decisions about what to make for dinner reduce time spent wandering the grocery aisles. Take advantage of online or local shopping to avoid having to fight traffic and busy shoppers at the mall. Children can also benefit from a simplified approach…snuggling with the family with popcorn and a holiday movie can be just as much fun as an expensive movie at the theater. A family ride in the car to look at holiday lights is a fun and low-cost activity the promotes family togetherness.
With the holidays here and the snow on the ground, it’s important to take stock of our expectations. Children are more likely to remember the joy of simple family traditions and time spent together more than the shiny gifts under the tree. Take the time to evaluate what’s important and meaningful to you and your family. Make those things your focus and let go of the rest.
Julie Gettings, LSCSW
PCIT and TFCBT Therapist
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