Go Gentle Into This New Year
2020 left behind a world of loss.
Our hearts feel the weight of missed milestones, withered friendships, canceled weddings, eliminated jobs, separated families, illness, death, trauma, and uncertainty. Even in a new year, so many of us are grieving.
If you are among the wounded, you know how isolating it can be. When social media cranks out images of smiling faces, you may think: I’m all alone in my grief. When news outlets report tragic stories, you might downplay your own sadness. When people try to cheer you up, it can seem like your heartache is a burden to others. You may even try to hide your sadness or pretend to be fine (message to self: it’s not okay to feel like I do).
In so many ways, it’s easy to feel ashamed of grief––when, in fact, grief is a perfectly normal response to a terrible situation. But minimizing or hiding sorrow won’t stop the pain. Sadness (big and small) wants to be acknowledged. When it isn’t, it has a way of sticking around, or even causing physical symptoms. Though your words say, “I’m okay,” your body can say otherwise through migraines, backaches, or stomach problems. Physical symptoms without a medical explanation might be your grief talking. Our bodies tell it like it is.
For what it's worth, you deserve some understanding as you unwind from everything this year has brought. You made it through, which is not a small thing. As you stumble into the light of a brand new year, here are some solid truths:
How you feel is exactly how you feel. Period. No need to apologize, hide, or change a thing. Have compassion for all that you’ve been through. It’s a lot to hold.
Your body needs rest and nourishment. Grief is hard on the body, and it needs your support.
Some days and moments will be better than others.
The world won’t always show you kindness. But you can. Cut yourself some slack and be fierce about caring for yourself.
Pain wants to be heard, not fixed. By giving it a little space and paying attention to it, you allow it a chance to lift.
Mindful breathing soothes anxiety (and your nervous system). Make your exhales longer than your inhales. Simple and calming.
Pain is a healthy response. Being told to stop feeling it, to get over it, or to shake it off can amplify pain and turn it into suffering.
Feelings change. They always do. Notice them. Treat them patiently. Withhold judgment.
Sadness is deeply human. A living sign of your brave and tender heart.
This new year doesn’t erase the old one. But if you carry hurt gently, the path forward will be a little more welcoming. Wishing you peace and hope in 2021.
Penny Howard, Graduate Counseling Intern