Love Languages

Love can often get lost in translation. Understanding love languages can be helpful for couples who feel like they are missing the mark when it comes to displays of affection and attention. It can also be helpful for individuals who are struggling to feel like their self-care routine is meeting their specific needs. Let’s first start by discussing what the five love languages are. 


Quality time

Individuals whose love language is quality time feel best when they get to spend uninterrupted time with themselves, friends, family members, or colleagues. Receiving undivided attention that includes both fun recreational activities, as well as meaningful and transparent conversation is best. If you lean in this category, it’s likely that being with someone who is actively listening and fully present with all distractions put away is highly valued by you. 

Words of Affirmation

People with words of affirmation as a love language feel best hearing understanding, validation, and affection through words, both written and verbal. Individuals who fall in this category tend to enjoy communication that is steady and consistent. Words of affirmation provide these folks with a feeling of security in the relationship and help them to feel seen, known, and appreciated. 

Gifts

If you find yourself leaning towards gifts as a love language, this often means that, to you, a gift represents more than what is being offered. For these individuals, gifts symbolize a representation of love. Most of the time, it is not about the cost or size. Rather, gifts allow them to feel taken into consideration and as if the gift giver was intentional with their thought process and time to present them with a present. 

Act of Service 

Acts of service allow these individuals to feel considered and taken care of. People with acts of service as a love language deeply value when others go the extra mile to make their life a bit easier. These individuals truly believe that actions speak louder than words. Acts of service help them to feel appreciated and through both big and small moments of service they were thought of. 

Physical Touch

If you find yourself in the category of physical touch, you like to receive some sort of affection through the physical display. People in this category feel loved through hugs, hand holding, cuddling, back rubs, kissing, and sexual intimacy. These Individuals feel safe in a relationship when physical intimacy is present and consensual as a representation of a deeper bond and connection with those around them and with themselves. 

The more that we understand our own love languages and the love language of those around us, the more we can develop a sense of attachment and security. Here are a few ideas for displaying love languages in each category if you are in a relationship or if you are looking for ideas for personal self-care. 


Quality Time

Couples

  • Go for a hike or walk together

  • Watch the sunset or sunrise

  • Have a picnic with your favorite food at a park


Personal Self-Care

  • Find some alone time

  • Take yourself out to your favorite restaurant or coffee shop

  • Begin a new hobby or project

Words of Affirmation

Couples

  • Tell your partner what you appreciate about them

  • Say “I love you” often

  • Express what you find attractive about your partner


Personal Self-Care

  • Find one thing that you appreciate about yourself every day

  • Redirect negative self-talk to more neutral self-talk

  • Develop a mantra

Gifts

Couples

  • Take a cooking or art class together

  • Buy your partner tickets to their favorite movie or artist

  • Plan a road trip or romantic get-away


Personal Self-Care

  • Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers

  • Plan a trip for yourself

  • Purchase a project or activity that you can do by yourself

Acts of Service

Couples

  • Cook dinner for your partner or bring them their favorite drink

  • Start a project, organize a space, or fix something that has broken and would be important to your partner

  • Offer to take on one responsibility that your partner does not like engaging in


Personal Self-Care

  • Volunteer somewhere

  • Schedule a therapy session

  • Communicate boundaries to those around you

Physical Touch

Couples

  • Give your partner a back rub or scalp rub

  • Hold your partner’s hand when taking a walk together

  • Book a couples massage


Personal Self-Care

  • Engage in a skincare routine

  • Take a warm bath

  • Wear your favorite cozy sweater or pajamas


Keep in mind that love languages differ from person to person. If you are hoping to understand another person’s love language or you are hoping that someone in your life might understand yours more deeply, it’s best to engage in a dialogue about preferences. It’s also important to keep in mind that love languages might shift over time. Having ongoing reflection with yourself and other loved ones will help prevent assumption making and increase a sense of connection and transparency.

-Annie Bretches, LPC, PLPC

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