Is Self-Talk Perpetuating My Negative Body Image?
Do you ever find yourself looking in the mirror and thinking: “I hate the way I look”, “I’m not good enough”, “If only I were skinnier”, etc.? Most, if not all of us, have experienced this at some point and it can feel absolutely debilitating. These statements often send us into a downward spiral that is known as “negative self-talk”.
Self-talk can be defined as the inner dialogue that we have with ourselves every day. When this seemingly innocent self-talk turns negative, it can have serious consequences. This inner voice can be so powerful that it limits our abilities to believe in ourselves and to feel confident in our own skin. It can even hinder our ability to make positive changes in our lives, therefore validating our concerns and leaving us feeling helpless.
Let’s dive into a few reasons why we use this self-talk and why we are so critical of our bodies.
Oftentimes, body negativity and self-criticism are related to underlying emotions that have not been processed. These emotions likely relate to past experiences that may be so painful that we don’t openly talk about or confront them.
We have conceptualized the importance of preparing ourselves for future disappointment and hurt. If I tell myself I’m not attractive and then I get rejected, at least I was prepared.
Noticing flaws in our body was likely modeled to us at a young age. Likely, someone close to us was self-critical or we directly received criticism ourselves.
We are bombarded with images of the “perfect body” on social media, on TV, in movies. When we don’t meet those unrealistic standards, we often feel deep aspects of shame.
We justify this negative self-talk by telling ourselves that we are just being honest, that this is an accurate representation of how the world sees us, and sometimes, that we deserve it. But here’s the most important part: this negative talk tricks our brains into believing there’s a reason for our feelings of inadequacy. If we inherently believe these aspects about ourselves are true, then how do we fix it?
Identifying and correcting negative self-talk is not easy. Learning to tolerate and confront the distressing feelings that we have about our bodies is difficult, but an important first step.
If we can detect when we are using negative self-talk, we can often start the process of healing.
One way to detect is to make a note of any self-criticisms you have made about yourself in your phone or on a notecard over the course of a week.
Once you have detected specific instances, examine the purpose behind the criticism.
Consider asking yourself, “what does this negative thought help me do or feel?”
After identifying reasons “why”, we can come up with ways to counter our thoughts.
It’s often not realistic to go from “I hate my body” to “I unconditionally love my body” overnight. It’s okay to not always be positive or always feel our best when we are correcting our self-talk.
Start by telling yourself “I’m not feeling my best today, but those thoughts are not true” or “I may not be happy with how I look right now, but that’s okay.”
If you have identified with this struggle and find it challenging to reverse negative thinking about yourself and your body, you are not alone. It can sometimes feel impossible to shift our thoughts on our own. If you are feeling stuck, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for guidance. Asking for help is a sign of courage and strength and a meaningful step in defeating your negative self-talk.
- Mackenzie Hoffman, Graduate Counseling Intern