Managing Your Grief Response

All people experience grief at some point in their lives.  Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the breakup of a serious relationship or getting fired from a dream job, no human is immune to the feelings of grief.  While it is very common to experience grief, we often don’t talk about our losses and then feel even more isolated and sad.  

In her 1969 book, On Grief and Grieving, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross outlined five stages of grief that most of us experience during a grief process which include: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  Many of us have heard of these stages but may not know how they look during a grief process.  Here’s a look at each stage a little more in-depth.

Denial:

This is one of the first stages we experience in loss.  For a significant loss, the world can begin to feel overwhelming or meaningless.  Denial is one way for us to cope with the shock of a loss or helping to manage the strong feelings that come with loss.  This can be our mind’s way of only letting in what we can deal with at a time.

Anger:

This is a necessary stage of the healing process.  Anger can help us navigate the grieving process by helping us to begin to understand our loss.  Anger allows us to focus on a person, place, or idea to take the brunt of our loss and help us begin to explore what this loss means to us. Anger can also be used to keep us connected to our loss.

Bargaining:

In this stage, we try to come to terms with our loss by processing the “what ifs” surrounding our loss.  This is a desperate plea for life to return to normal, to feel whole again.  This fantasy allows us to temporarily remove ourselves from our pain as we try to manage a world in which this loss exists.

Depression: 

This is the stage we most associate with grief.  This is where we start to feel the loss in the here and now.  This stage can feel overwhelming and as if it lasts forever but feeling the sadness from a loss is a necessary part to understanding, processing, and healing from our loss.

Acceptance:

This stage can be a little confusing as many of us associate acceptance with being okay or over the loss.  Acceptance does not necessarily mean we have recovered from the loss and will never feel sad about it again; it just means we have learned to live with the loss.

The stages of grief are not linear, and each can last for just a few minutes to years. We can go back and forth through different stages as circumstances change or anniversaries, birthdays or other important dates pass by. The process of grieving is unique to everyone but understanding and normalizing the experience can lead to greater healing.

For more information about the stages of grief, visit grief.com for articles and videos about specific losses.  If you are struggling with loss, don’t be afraid to reach out to a therapist to navigate this experience.  Many of Resolve’s therapists are trained in grief and can help to process this experience and promote healing through therapy.

-Elisabeth Chipps, LCPC, LPC