Play is Love Letter to Your Child
Valentine’s Day is a wonderful time to share love with a special person in your life. We often think about how we give and receive love from others. Dr. Gary Chapman, speaker, counselor, and author of “Five Love Languages” stated that there are five types of love languages we share with others: quality time, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation. Quality time is togetherness, exchanging quality conversation, quality activities, and healthy communication. Physical touch is a fundamental part of the human experience as it supports our biological need for love. Holding hands, kissing, caressing, and back rubs are examples of physical touch. Specifically, touch is a powerful bonding and attachment tool. Gift-giving can be defined as a universal part of a love relationship that goes beyond cultural barriers. Acts of service is defined as doing things you know your partner would like you to do. It is also imperative to understand how an individual shows love to themselves in the name of self-care. If you want to take a quiz on love languages, feel free to go to this website and take it. Share it with yourself and incorporate ways you can show love to yourself.
Additionally, words of affirmation are verbal compliments, encouraging and kind words, words of forgiveness, and humble words. Each of these types of love language is especially important in maintaining a high quality of relationship with either a romantic partner, a child, a coworker, friend, or a parent. For example, my favorite childhood memory for Valentine’s Day was when my mother baked heart-shaped chocolate brownies, had a candy-filled vase next to our beds, and spent the day at the playground.
I would add that the sixth love language to consider is the act of play. According to Dr. Garry Landreth, Ed.D., LPC, RPT-S, internationally known for his writings and work in promoting the development of child-centered play therapy, defined play as a child’s “most natural form of expression.” As a play therapist in training, I often instruct parents to schedule 15 minutes of 1:1 play time with their child at least three times a week, where the child leads the play or as I think of it, “invites you into their world.” During that special 1:1 time, it is especially important to apply elements of quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation for your child and especially for the parent. Examples of how to play with a child are: snuggling (even for older children sometimes), reading their favorite books, holding hands, and going for a walk, playing board and card games, and playing outside.
I love this quote from Dr. Landreth from the book, “Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship:”
“Thank you for letting me grow together with you, so that I can learn again of what I have forgotten about simplicity, intensity, totality, wonder and love and learn to respect my own life in its uniqueness. Thank you for allowing me to learn from your tears about the pain of growing up and the sufferings of the world. Thank you for showing me that to love another person and to be with people, big or small, is the most natural of gifts that grows like a flower when we live in the wonder of life. (p. 10)”
Play is simple. Play is love.
-Angelique Foye-Fletcher, LMFT