Sea of Grief
Have you ever experienced something painful or heartbreaking but feel completely numb? You know that what happened is terrible, but you feel nothing.
What about a situation where your pain is so overwhelming that you can’t stop crying, can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t think straight, and even breathing hurts?
Now think about a moment where perhaps you hear a song, or a memory comes to mind that reminds you of a painful situation, and you feel a little sting. Maybe you tear up a little, but then you take a couple deep breaths, text a friend, or simply remind yourself how far you’ve come and continue on with your day.
All three of these experiences are normal expressions of grief and loss and are not always indicative of where you are at on your path to healing.
My favorite analogy for grief is one that compares grief to an ocean. I know analogies can be cheesy and I roll my eyes with the best of them, but this particular one is great so hang in there with me until the end! Picture yourself walking along the shore of a beach. Your feet are dry in the sand and as you look out into the distance you can see the ocean and the vast expanse of water, but are not being touched by it. You know the ocean is there, but you are completely dry. Now imagine that you continue to walk along the shore and the tide rolls in the smallest of waves. It gently bumps up against your ankles, maybe covers your feet, and quickly recedes. You’re dry again shortly after. You keep walking along the shore and suddenly look up and a massive tidal wave is towering over you, about to swallow you whole. It scoops you up, drags you out to sea, and you feel powerless as you toss and turn and gasp for air. But even tidal waves recede eventually. It spits you back out onto the shore and as you lay there you wonder how you even made it through.
That’s grief.
Sometimes you recognize that painful thing exists, but can’t feel it. Sometimes you’re briefly touched by the sting of grief but with relative ease and a couple coping skills you’re good to go. Sometimes the grief is sudden, intense, and all-consuming.
If you’ve experienced grief or loss of any kind, consider the following:
The like ocean, these waves of grief are often beyond your control. They come and go as they please. You are not further along or behind in your path to healing based on your current experience of grief.
Like the ocean, these waves of grief will recede. No matter what you’re currently feeling, you won’t be forever.
Prepare for the tidal waves. Learn how to swim (acquire coping skills). Practice holding your breath under water for longer period of time (build distress tolerance skills). Stay close to a lifeguard (family, close friends, a therapist).
-Jeri Sullivant