Self-Care: Buzzword or Triggering Word

Self-improvement, self-care, wellness, self-reformation, growth, development, and self-fulfillment 

Buzzwords or triggering words? 

No matter what way you try and spin, tweak, or reframe, the words above tend to cultivate strong responses. 

The more the media utilizes these words, they become misconstrued and convoluted. Many even describe these words as “triggering”. When an individual hears these words, they may believe it is implied that their suffering is entirely their fault. “If I just worked harder then I wouldn’t be struggling right now.”

Self-care once shrouded in the idea to take a break and take care of yourself has, for some, been transformed into another thing to mark off the “to-do” list. Many describe feelings of shame or guilt when their mental health is suffering. Many feel as if their lack of self-care or self-improvement is the cause of debilitating anxiety and depression. 

So, let’s talk about what self-care is and what it is not. 

Self-care is meant to refuel you. It is about taking an intentional pause in your schedule to do something that will help you feel healthier, more at peace, and more joyful. Self-care may look like the traditional bubble bath; it may also look like cleaning out your closet or getting some alone time. Whatever it is, labeling it as time for your nurturance is the most important piece. 

Self-care is not intended to be something we force upon ourselves. It is not meant to increase feelings of shame, guilt, or self-judgment. It is not selfish, bad, or wrong. It is also not an excuse to be over-indulgent. Self-care does not need to be hours-upon hours it can be a manageable and reasonable amount of time. 

While self-care is intended to help individuals meet an unmet need, it does not always mean that you will feel extreme relief after engaging in self-care. It may not create any relief at all. If this is you, know that your lack of relief is not a failure on your part. Everyone’s mental health struggles are complex and nuanced. What may be helpful for some, may not be helpful for others and that is okay.

So maybe we broaden the idea of self-care. If doing it all on your own isn’t providing you the relief or healing you need, it is okay to engage in alternative forms of treatment. Self-care might mean seeking out a therapist or trying out medication management. 

When talking about self-care, it is also incredibly important to address that many individuals struggle with mental health due to external factors out of their control. Marginalization can create high levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. Any individual who is being discriminated against is at a higher risk for experiencing fear and safety concerns and low self-worth, feelings of rejection, isolation, anger, and sadness. The origins of self-care date back to the Civil Rights era. Self-care was created as a way for marginalized groups to “fight collectively to have their rights and needs recognized”. Self-care was created for both care and preservation. Systemic barriers have made it more challenging for individuals who are being marginalized. Improving access and methods of self-care for all people is an important part of supporting underserved communities. 

The word self-care can be a loaded word. If you feel you are struggling to understand or unpack your reactions to suggestions around self-care or are struggling to figure out what it looks like for you, it may be helpful to reach out to a professional for help. 

-Annie Bretches LPC, LCPC