What is an Alpha Male, really?
Dr. David Mech is credited with the term “Alpha Male” because of a book he authored.Published in 1970. “The Wolf” was about wolves and their behavior in nature. One of the outdated concepts from the book is that of the alpha wolf. "Alpha" implies competing with others and becoming top dog by winning a contest or battle. We see this applied to all kinds of areas of life, sports, school, work, etc… How many professional teams exist in how many various sports where we cheer on our favorite fighter or team to WIN WIN WIN!!! We can easily find examples of parents who push their kids harder and harder to “be the best”.
It was thought that wolves were in constant competition for a higher rank in the hierarchy, and only the aggressive actions of the alpha male and female held the contenders in check. The top sales people often are associated with people who are arrogant, rude, narcissistic, and the list goes on and on. Remember the movie “The Wolf of Wall Street”? It oozed the idea of the “Alpha Male”. But is this really what an Alpha Male is? Is this the idea of what is considered the most envied of all males of our species? Man, I hope not.
The real Alpha is actually much different than what we have been led to believe for decades now. Dr. Mech explains “…most wolves who lead packs achieved their position simply by mating and producing pups, which then became their pack. In other words they are merely breeders, or parents, and that's all we call them today…”. From this, we can really see who the alpha male is. Not the braggadocios jerk at the office, not the muscle bound guy at the gym who tries to intimidate, or the guy walking in the middle of the hallway refusing to bend or adjust to allow others to pass without being pushed into. The loudmouth is not the alpha.
Picture this, you are in a room of people at work and there is heated discussion about a problem, one person is trying to talk over everyone else and convince them that their idea is the best idea and that everyone else’s will never work. Suddenly, someone else in the room speaks up, they haven’t said anything so far, and when they call attention to themselves, everyone quiets down for them to speak. When they have said their piece, everyone else continues but the direction of the conversation has now shifted. Who is the alpha in the room? The loud individual who is trying to force their idea onto everyone else? Or the quiet one who everyone listened to and made the most impact on the direction of the conversation?
To be an alpha, I argue that we need to be secure in who we are. Confident in our ability and worth to those we associate with. An alpha doesn’t need to convince anyone who they are, they just are. So the real questions then becomes, am I an alpha, and if not, how do I become one? Learning about this error in labeling behavior has caused me to take a look at myself.
A little self disclosure here I guess. On the outside, I look like an alpha I have been told. I am tall, have a big beard, I drive a truck, and I built a motorcycle. I was a soldier and served a tour in a war zone, I am pretty darn strong, and don’t mind saying what is on my mind. Total stereotypical alpha, right? Well, I also have cried in front of my children and asked for their forgiveness when I have done wrong. I am the first to admit I am flawed, like crazy (but I am striving to change). My kids know they are safe and loved, and I try and understand and support my wife.
An alpha, in my belief, is willing to be vulnerable because they recognize the strength that really shows. An alpha lifts and inspires buy supporting and helping others. An alpha doesn’t need to be first, or the smartest, or the best, or the wealthiest. An alpha see’s the richness in their life and sees all the other stuff for what it really is, just stuff, just money, just a car, or a watch, or a suit, or whatever. A real alpha is an alpha because of the quality of person they are and no other reason.
What do you think? I found it interesting that Dr. Mech has worked to change the conversation on what an alpha wolf is. Why don’t we do the same?
James Lehnardt,
Counseling Intern
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