Honoring the “Me” Within the “We” – Part One of Self-Care in Relationships
Typically we talk about self-care in an individualistic context, but self-care is also crucial for the health and quality of our relationships. In part one of this two-part blog, we’ll define what self-care is in a relationship, how to assess your current levels of self-care in your relationships, and identify why it’s so important in strengthening relationships.
Defining and Assessing Self-Care In a Relationship
Self-care can simply be defined as determining your needs and executing your needs. However, when looking at self-care in a relationship, there is an additional part that includes communicating your needs to the other person. Therefore, self-care in a relationship involves:
Determining your needs
Communicating your needs
Executing your needs
Think about the most important relationships in your life. This could include family, friends, coworkers, etc. In order to assess your current levels of self-care in these relationships, reflect on some of the following questions:
Have you been feeling uplifted or drained around them?
Are your walls up or down?
Do you find yourself wishing they would speak differently to you?
Do you find yourself feeling critical, defensive, or withdrawn?
When’s the last time you felt like you could be present and enjoy a moment?
Do you have a “me” identity within the “we”?
Do you have boundaries in this relationship? If so, are they respected?
Feel free to rate your levels of self-care within those relationships. Check-in with yourself on how your feeling and plant the seed in your mind of asking yourself what you need.
The Importance of Self-Care to Enhance and Strengthen Relationships
Now that we have a working definition of self-care in relationships and a general idea of our self-care levels within our most important relationships, let’s talk about why it’s so darn important!
Without self-care, relationships suffer from feelings of resentment, disconnection, lack of feeling appreciated, and plain old exhaustion. It is all too easy to take our feelings of frustration, stress, worry, irritation, etc. out on the people we love the most. The effects of this can compound and build in a relationship if self-care isn’t prioritized. Speaking our needs allows us to connect and provide one another with the opportunity to meet our needs.
Self-care allows us to become more rested, patient, understanding, and more available to others. We have to put the oxygen mask on us before we can on those around us. When we prioritize our needs and create moments of rest for ourselves, we are more emotionally available to those around us. If we know how to take care of our own needs, we can better understand and attend to the needs of others.
Choosing when and how we connect strengthens the relationship because it’s desired connection and on our own terms. However, the choice to connect only exists if we are able to acknowledge and honor our limitations. Otherwise, we fall into a cycle of connection that’s expected and inflicted on us. If I don’t acknowledge that I am burnt out and overwhelmed, I will continually engage in connection that isn’t wholly meaningful or great quality. If I do acknowledge that I am burnt out and overwhelmed, I can pause for a moment to take care of myself and then engage in meaningful, quality interaction and connection.
Self-care builds self-worth, and self-worth builds relationships where the “me” does not get lost in the “we”. Each and every time we engage in an act of self-care, we are telling ourselves that we are worth it and that our needs are worth attending to. When we foster our own self-worth, we are able to engage in healthy connection with those around us.
In part two of this blog, we’ll create a self-care plan built specifically for relationships and discuss how to communicate this to the important people in your life. Be sure to check out Resolve’s social media to stay tuned!
Elise Grigg
LPC
MORE BY ELISE
