Boundaries: An Act of Self-Preservation
Boundaries: “A personal clear limit for how people behave toward us.” (Dr. Nicole Lepera of The Holistic Psychologist).
When implementing boundaries in your life, it is important to remember these three things:
You have the right to say no
You have the right to enforce boundaries - even when others don’t approve or agree
You have the right to ask for what you need.
Boundaries keep us safe and our relationships healthy. Boundaries are the limits we set to protect ourselves from being used, manipulated, or disrespected by others. When boundaries are honored we are demonstrating respect for ourselves and others. The benefit of establishing boundaries is they improve self esteem, they conserve your emotional energy, and they develop independence and agency. Boundaries go far beyond the physical. According to Dr. Nicole Lepera of The Holistic Psychologist there are six specific types of boundaries: Time, Physical, Conversational, Relationship, Personal, and Content boundaries. Below you will find a brief breakdown of each boundary type:
Physical Boundaries
Starting with perhaps the easiest to identify, physical boundaries are the limits we place around our physical proximity, sexuality, and how much space we share with others. Examples of this can include someone standing too close to you or receiving hugs or physical touch without consent.
Personal Boundaries
Personal boundaries are the limits we have in place with ourselves based on our awareness of our specific needs. These boundaries will look different for everyone based on what you want to limit others from doing. Examples of personal boundaries may include commenting on your weight, criticism, humiliation, or invading your privacy.
Time Boundaries
Placing boundaries around how much time you are spending with someone, doing something, or even around your time at work are important to preserve your wellbeing and ensure you are not overextending yourself. Examples of this can include not checking work email on the weekends, scheduling time for yourself each week, or setting time limits on meetings or gatherings with friends when needed.
Relationship Boundaries
These are boundaries that are agreed upon with your close friends, partners, and family. These ensure that within your relationships, you are meeting the needs of yourself and the other person. These boundaries can include limits on public displays of affection based on what each partner is comfortable with, ensuring time with friends is still prioritized, or taking time to yourself when needed.
Conversational Boundaries
Placing boundaries around your conversations refers to the topics you are open and not open to discussing. Perhaps there are certain topics you do not want to discuss with others or in general, placing a boundary around that is an act of protection for yourself. A hot topic that could benefit from some boundaries would be politics or religion. These types of topics may need structure around how much or how often they are discussed.
Content Boundaries
Content boundaries refers to setting limits on the things you will and will not consume via television, social media, music, etc. This can include images, videos, or sounds of violent, sexual, or disturbing content.
Boundaries are an act of self-preservation. Be clear, direct, and assertive - you are worth it.