Healing can be Scary
Healing takes introspection.
It requires you to come face-to-face with what has been silenced, suppressed, avoided, and hidden for what might have felt like a long time.
We keep secrets for a reason, right?
The inner inclination or draw towards a state of healing might entail entering into the unknown. I often think about our secrets like entering into the wilderness. You never know what might end up showing itself, how big or small it may be, or the effects it may have.
I think the toughest part about healing is that it requires us to show up for ourselves in a different way. Healing doesn’t allow for self-shaming, criticism, contempt, blame, and self-punishment. The punitive approach has no place here.
Healing requires:
Compassion Gentleness
Nurturance Patience
Love Care
Tenderness
Why is that taking a posture of grace and kindness to feel so scary? For many, it’s unfamiliar. When you find yourself feeling fearful of the unfamiliar, you have to find the courage to familiarize yourself to experience relief from the fear. Similar to meeting a new friend. The more you show up the more ease and comfort you feel around that person. Consistency is key.
When you enter into the healing process, it starts with honesty and it may feel next to impossible to speak to yourself in this new way. Remember, have patience. Your brain is re-wiring itself, changing behaviors takes time. You are beginning a new practice and building up new habits takes time.
I hope that this journey brings you a sense of freedom. Healing is a BOTH AND experience. You may experience freedom AND pain. Hope AND fear. Life AND grief. When we lay to rest our old ways of being, a loss can be revealed in very nuanced ways. You may feel sadness for what you have been through, anger that you didn’t have the supports or resources you needed to enter into this process sooner, guilt regarding your avoidance and how it has affected others, or perhaps loneliness in your experience.
How can you show up for yourself in these spaces? How can you allow yourself to be with instead of pushing it away? How might incorporating more acceptance and nurturance at this moment support you in navigating this hurt?
Know your why. Reflect on how healing is worth all of the bitter-sweet moments. Make a list for yourself. Here are some ideas for why healing may feel worth it for you.
You are honoring your authentic self.
You are building a deeper capacity to tolerate uncomfortable emotions.
You are unraveling old narratives and old coping mechanisms that are no longer serving you.
You are choosing to show up for yourself in a way that others may not have been able to.
You are increasing connection and vulnerability with yourself and those around you.
You are turning your back to the shame that has held you captive for so long.
Healing requires you to feel a sense of safety. If you are struggling to feel safe, supported, and grounded in your efforts, it may be helpful to reach out to a mental health professional to help with this process.
You are worthy of healing. Hold yourself affectionately as you learn to believe that message for yourself.
Annie Bretches, LPC, LCPC