We're Talking...Intimacy
“Perhaps that’s another reason true intimacy is so frightening. It’s the one thing we all want, and must give up all control to get.”
- Donald Miller
There is one thing, one desire, which I have found most dominant while on the front lines of learning about others’ hearts…while on the front line of learning about my own heart. The desire to be fully known and yet fully loved drips from the soul like
a sponge at full capacity. It’s as if this longing has been hardwired into the strands of our DNA. And while I recognize this very basic and yet very monstrous human need, I also recognize the reality of an often unmet and seemingly illusionary conquest to have the need be fulfilled. Why is this? Why does it seem that true intimacy is a fleeting notion only found in our wildest imaginations?
Intimacy, the masterpiece that is painted one vulnerable and courageous brushstroke at a time.
Intimacy requires vulnerability of heart, soul, spirit, and mind. To be fully known, we have to allow ourselves to be fully seen. To set aside our masks of protection and allow the beautiful, messy reality of whom we are to be held by another. There is a Japanese form of art called Kintsugi, in which the artist purposely breaks a piece of pottery to put it back together with gold lacquer. The artist believes the breakage and repair hold beauty and should not be disguised. Knowing the ‘wish we could erase mistakes,’ and ‘best self-moments’ are regarded as adding equal amounts of wonder and awe to the story of you gives vulnerability wings of flight.
Donald Miller, author and speaker, spotlights a hidden landmine to attaining true intimacy. Giving up control. That is why vulnerability must be paired with courageousness. Being vulnerable and trusting another with one’s deepest self requires mass amounts of courage because we have no control over how someone will receive our attempts at connection and intimacy.
The nature of courage embodies endurance to push on in the face of adversity. Don’t let broken attempts at intimacy steer you from a relational blessing that has the potential to be well worth the hurt and heartache it took to get there. Because just like the art of Kintsugi, we are more beautiful because of our brokenness AND that, my friend, deserves to be celebrated and shared.
Brandi Kujawa,
Counseling Intern
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