How 1 Hour a Week Can Improve Your Relationship
I recently found myself in a situation where my significant other said, “Elise, I feel like everyone else is getting the best of you and there’s nothing left for me.” Talk about a stomach-dropping moment. You never want to hear that!
It prompted me to look into dynamic and manageable ways to create some type of guaranteed quality time that my partner could look forward to each week, I could plan into my hectic life, and we could use to strengthen our connection as a couple. After many unsuccessful ideas, I came across the idea of implementing a weekly couple’s meeting. This would be an hour each week where we’d have a set structure of questions and topics to discuss and ask one another.
We’ve completed 8 weeks, and I can confidently say it’s changed our relationship for the better.
Here are some of the benefits I’ve experienced from our Weekly Couple’s Meeting:
Learning new things about one another. I’ve learned things that I’ve never known about my significant other and that draw me closer to who he is as an individual and as my partner.
Feeling closer to each other. We’ve chosen to have our meeting on Sunday nights, and this allows me to feel like I’m going into the week prepared, supported, and loved. We both know what’s going on in each other’s lives and we’re more in tune with one another.
Less tension throughout the week. With guaranteed time to process and discuss conflict or more difficult subjects, it’s easier to push pause on heated conversations when necessary and still enjoy each other knowing that you’ll revisit the conversation later in a more productive and healthy environment.
Enjoying our time together. I find myself looking forward to our weekly conversations, even if they’re difficult and tough! I want to know how my partner feels about the past week and what he has coming up.
Balance between day-to-day life and the bigger picture. Our weekly meeting allows us not only to look at the smaller day-to-day tasks but also to take a step back and look at where we want to go individually and as a couple.
A fresh start. One of the questions we ask each other is if we have been holding anything in, need resolution, or would like forgiveness for . This is often the question we spend the longest time on but it allows both of us to get things off our chest and ask for what we need.
Below are some ideas to get you started on your weekly meeting. I’d suggest selecting 6-8 questions or topics. You can customize these as needed to best fit your relationship.
What do you have coming up this week? You could list this out day by day or highlight the top 3 events of the week.
What were your highs and lows of last week? What energized you and what drained you?
What is one thing I can do to express my love for you this week?
Is there anything you’d like help with this week?
Have you held anything in over the week that you’d like to discuss?
Is there anything you feel has gone unresolved?
Is there anything you’d like to ask forgiveness for?
What mindset can I help encourage this week? You each could pick a word, mantra, or phrase that you would like to use over the week and ask each other to help develop that.
Financial check in.
Sex-life check in.
Parenting check in.
Lastly, here are some guidelines to ensure a successful conversation. Remember that successful doesn’t always mean happy and positive but rather connection and honesty.
Make a commitment every week at the same time. Put it on your calendars and hold each other accountable.
Customize your conversation to your relationship. If you have an ongoing argument or conflict, try including that topic each week for a month and then revisit your progress. If you need to keep the topic after a month, no problem! If you feel you’ve made good progress, move to a monthly check in.
Agree to the topics prior to meeting. Knowing roughly what you’re going to talk about is extremely important to help foster a calm, rational, and open environment without building walls between each other.
Don’t use the time to attack your partner. This isn’t an hour to blame each other or point out all the things that upset you. This is for constructive and healthy conversation. Try using “I” statements and explaining your experience rather than attacking your partner.
Use assertiveness and active listening skills. These are arguably some of the most important tools in a relationship. Learn more about them here!
Lean into the uncomfortable vulnerability. With anything new, this might feel uncomfortable, fear-inducing, and awkward, but that’s okay and completely normal! You’re deciding that your relationship is worth it, and that’s awesome.
Elise Grigg,
LPC
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