What is Co-Parenting? How Does it Work?
Co-parenting is a term used to describe the situation when children are parented by two individuals who are no longer in a marital or romantic relationship with one another. Co-parenting may seem like an easy solution for two people who no longer get along, but it’s often determined to be more of a hardship. However, co-parenting amicably can give your children the stability, security, and close relationships with both parents that they need.
Unless your family has gone through serious issues, such as domestic violence or alcohol abuse, having both parents play an active role in their children’s daily lives, is the best way to ensure that all your kids’ needs are met.
Research suggests that the quality of the relationship between co-parents can also have a strong influence on the mental and emotional well-being of children, and the incidence of anxiety and depression.
Now, this is not an easy switch for anyone and seems impossible for most families. Joint custody arrangements can be exhausting, frustrating and stressful. It can be extremely difficult to get past the painful history and built-up resentments you have with the other parent. Despite the many challenges, it is possible to develop an amicable working relationship with the other parent for your children.
10 Ways to Make Co-Parenting Work
Your marriage or relationship may be over, but your family is not; acting in your kids’ best interest is your most important priority.
Separate the personal relationship from the co-parenting relationship. This is not about you. Think of it as for the well-being of your child, not about either of you.
Practice empathy. Treat the other parent as you would like them to treat you.
Pick your battles. It's important to have common ground rules and values for the kids in both households. However, each parent will deal with certain situations differently. Don't expect the other parent to do everything the same way you do it. Even if you were still in a relationship, you'd have different parenting styles. And that's ok. Kids thrive on those differences.
Short and nice child hand-offs. No matter where or when you exchange the kids, keep these moments short and nice. Say your goodbyes with a smile and quick hug and kiss so the children won't feel guilty about leaving you. Refrain from providing instructions to the other parent, unless time sensitive. This can be provided other ways, such as an e-mail, text, or on a shared “need to know” document through a system such as google drive.
Respect your child’s time with the other parent. Don’t overcall while your children are with the other parent. Work together to establish plans of when and how often to call. Especially, don't call when you know they may be having dinner or if it's past their bedtime. If you miss them, call a friend. Think of how you would feel if the other parent insisted on calling your home at odd hours and made the kids feel bad about him.
Establish a consistent schedule. Families who have established a routine schedule do a better job modeling their commitments to the children and the other parent. Now, if something truly extraordinary requires a change in the routine, then communicate that with the other parent and child(ren).
Never insult the other parent within hearing distance of the child(ren). This one can be tough! Never vent your frustrations about the other parent to your kids. Kids are conflicted if they feel they must take sides.
Communicate directly to the other parent. Refrain from using the child(ren) as go-betweens. Not only may they get the message wrong, they will also witness any negative feelings either parent expresses when delivering or receiving it. If your kids give you a message from their other parent, don't blow up in front of them. Wait until you're alone to give the other parent a call and address the issue as calmly but firmly as possible.
Always provide the other parent information that you expect that parent to give you. Each parent should know when activities are scheduled, meetings at the child school, health information, grades and behavior at school. The list can be long. The rule to remember is if you want to know, they should know.
Take time for you & enjoy it! Take advantage of the days your child(ren) are with the other parent to socialize, take an art or fitness class, get a massage, watch movies, read books in bed or sleep in. Recharge your battery so when your child(ren) come back they will find you at your best!
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