3 Things To Reduce Stress In Your Relationship
Relationships don’t only fail because of finances or infidelity, oftentimes they fail because of ineffective communication.
Simply put, communication is the sharing of meaning. Effective communication is when the message sent is the same as the message received. A simple concept, but achieving effective communication is not easy. Sharing meaning does not mean sharing opinion, philosophy or worldview. To share meaning does not mean agreement, but rather understanding.
Ineffective communication increases stress. Whether between you and your partner or you and a stranger, if you’re not sharing meaning, then you’re most likely getting stressed.
To help you, I’d like to share 3 things you can start doing to be an effective communicator.
Have courage. There is a lot of fear around communication. Fear of finding the right words to say or not to say. Fear of being vulnerable and open to ourself and others. Fear locks us in our default mode and prevents us from effectively communicating. We make jokes, bicker or avoid communicating all together.
Be curious and authentic. Be like a naive child, learning the world. Often times we assume what someone means when they share, but more times than not we are wrong. Being curious means diving deeper into what they’ve shared. When we do it with authenticity, we shed our assumptions and are honest and straightforward.
Stay calm. When you allow someone to share and ask them to expand, you may not like or agree with their response. That is ok! Take a breath before you respond. If your goal is to make progress, you won’t achieve it with an emotional reaction. Push the pause button and repeat steps 1 & 2.
Working with a professional can be helpful on this journey. In individual counseling we can work on your communication skills. In group or couples counseling, we can work on skills and sharing of meaning. Put the work in today to save your sanity tomorrow.
Jessica Nickels
Counseling Intern
Resolve - Counseling & Wellness
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