How to Increase Your Intimacy

I’m a big fan of sex. Sex can be awesome and amplify your relationship. This article is not about sex, but if that’s what you thought, then you’re not alone. Often times when I ask couples about their intimacy, they hear “how’s your sex life?”  
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This is when I suggest that sex is not the only synonym for intimacy.  
 
First, let’s gain clarity on why intimacy is so important, especially for those who identify as not being into physical touch, ie; “I’m not a hugger.”  
 
Intimacy can… 

• Improve well-being (lower blood pressure, decrease depression) 

• Promote trust and security  

• Increase team dynamics 

• Decrease aggression 

Next, let’s broaden our understanding of intimacy with some words descriptive words.  
(I encourage you to add to this list in the comments box.)  
 
Intimacy is… 

• Cozy 

• Companionship 

• Familiar 

• Togetherness 

• Mutual affection 

• Warm feelings 

• Understanding 

• Fondness 

• Enjoyment 

• Acts of love 

 Now that we have expanded our perspective on intimacy, let’s get creative on alternative acts of intimacy. I encourage you to add to this list in the comments box. (I encourage you to add to this list in the comments box.) 

Intimacy looks like… 

• Hand holding and other non-sexual touching 

• Strengths or Gratitude list (I love these 5 things about you..) 

• Love letters (texting with emojis can work too) 

• Deep conversations 

• Exercise together 

• Try a new recipe together 

• Laugh 

• Snuggle 

 
Need more intimacy inspo? Finish these journal prompts and share with your partner:  

1. Things we used to do that I enjoyed… 

1. Things we do now I enjoy… 

1. Things I’d like to try… 

 
Remember, like most things in a relationship they take time and trial and error. Allow yourself and your partner grace as you explore or rebuild your intimacy. Enjoy!  ​

Jessica Nickels
LPC, cPT

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