The Aftermath: Valentine's Day Part 2
This post was supposed to be published on February 15, the day after Valentine’s Day. However, what I had planned to talk about in regards to this day was washed off the table when yet another mass shooting in a school took the lives of over 15 people. More than fifteen people who went to school that morning, children who said goodbye to their parents for the last time, husbands who kissed their wives and said “see you after school”, and children who had their last kiss from their dads before they went to work that day.
So, this post is different than expected. Because instead of talking about how to move on from this special day of the month and keep loving growing in your relationship despite Valentine’s Day being over, we are talking about the lives of people who did not ask to die.
Please do not mistake this as a political post. Rather, it is a post to remind you that there are many different types of love and that romantic love or the lack of romantic love is not the only thing we should focus on.
We take relationships for granted, or at least I have. I haven’t called my parents as much as I should, I didn’t call my grandmothers much before they passed, I didn’t make an intention to let my friends, brothers, colleagues, and everyone else’s path I meet know how much they meant to me and how grateful I was for their presence in my life.
Love is one of few constants among cultures. Hugs, smiles, words of affirmation, things you do for someone else, etc. are ways that you can see love being expressed. There’s love that you have for your family, love for your children, the love you have for your spouse or significant other. There is the love that you have for your pet, your parents, and the love you have for life. Savor those relationships and experiences. As we have learned and continue to learn, trauma does not discriminate. It does not take a certain age, a certain population, a certain race. It does look at what you’ve done right or wrong or how many times you’ve gone to church this year. Trauma impacts everyone. And if you’re lucky enough to not had a traumatic event in your life, you know someone who does. So, it’s time to start acting like we have a lot to lose. Because we do.
Spread love around:
Look up from your phone.
Whether this is in your own home, walking down the street, or driving, PLEASE look up. You are missing out on human connection despite feeling “connected”. You are missing your child crying and then going to her room because you have your head down in a game of Candy Crush and doesn’t want to bother you. When you look up, you will see expressions, acts of love, people, humans with stories.
Smile.
If you have what society has deemed “RBF”, make it a point to smile. Smile to someone as you awkwardly walk down the hallway at the same time. Smile while opening a door. Smile to acknowledge the fact that you notice there is another human in your surroundings. It’s nice to feel acknowledged--to feel seen.
Do a kind gesture.
The little things count. If every person on the earth did one kind thing per day, would we be living in a different world? If more doors were opened, more coffees were paid for, more notes were left on cars, more waves were given, and more people were being helped clean up the stuff they dropped.
Don’t rush.
If we're constantly running from one event to another and barely stopping to have time to take a breath, it's likely that we aren't paying attention to much of anything else. I know you're busy, and I know you're overwhelmed with pressure and expectations that are put on you. But I also know that you will be less stressed, more calm, more patient, and more kind when you give yourself a little extra time and are mindful of the people and beauty around you.
Robin Helget, LMSW, CPT
Millennial Life Coach
785-408-7529
robin@kcresolve.com
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