Why doesn’t my therapist tell me what to do?
Often times clients will ask the question, “What should I do in this situation?” As a Type-A personality who feels passionate about my own personal decisions, I often know what I would do in that situation. As important as it may be for me to know my choice, I could never assume that my choice would be a good choice for someone else. It is for that reason, that I use the question as an opportunity instead to guide clients to find their own direction.
Many times clients want to be told the next step they should take because there is a belief that the therapist will make the “right” decision. Luckily, therapists are human too and have no better specific skills at making decisions than others do--they simply have a tool set that allows them to explore options and view things from a different perspective. All therapists make mistakes, regret things we have said and think “I could have made a better decision in that scenario”.
When looking for guidance from a therapist, it is good to remember that they shouldn't play the role of parent or probation officer, but more of a sounding board to bounce off ideas and an accountability partner if that is what one desires. If you find that you are often wanting your therapist or others in your life to make decisions about what next steps you should take, it is possible that you may not trust your own judgment or may be more worried about others perceptions of you. If you find yourself constantly looking to your therapist for the right answer, some helpful topics in therapy may be self-confidence, healthy boundaries and decision-making skills.
Amber Reed, LSCSW
Resolve - Counseling & Wellness
Prairie Village, KS
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