Honoring the “Me” Within the “We” – Part Two of Self-Care in Relationships

In part two of this two-part blog, we’ll create a self-care plan built specifically for relationships and discuss how to communicate this to the important people in your life. Click here to catch up on part one! 

Creating a Self-Care Plan for Relationships 
 
 In part one, you identified some of the most important relationships in your life and assessed your current levels of self-care in the context of those relationships. Choose one of those relationships to use throughout this self-care plan.  
 
Let’s start by identifying 3 things that you can begin to work on communicating. Maybe these are things that you’ve communicated before but you haven’t felt understood. Maybe they’re items that you’ve never shared before. The idea is to begin reflecting upon your needs within the relationship. Here are 3 suggestions to get you started: 

1. What’s an expectation you have that could cause conflict or feelings of frustration? Ex. Expecting to go to my parents’ house for the holidays. 

2. What’s a boundary you have? Ex. No phones or TV while we’re eating.  

3. What’s a feeling you’re currently experiencing? This can be directly caused by the relationship or by your life in general. Ex. I’m feeling completely overwhelmed with work. 

 
Next, reflect on 3 times in which you put this person’s needs above your own. This is not a bad thing at all if the effort is being reciprocated and is fairly balanced. Sometimes we choose to prioritize another’s needs, and that is a great thing. We simply want to begin building awareness about our needs and our loved ones’ needs.  
 
Finally, complete the following prompts: 

• 1 thing I’m saying yes to and want to say no to: 

• 1 thing I’m saying no to and want to say yes to: 

• 1 small thing I can ask for today: 

 
Communicating Our Needs and Self-Care Plan 
 
Our formula for communicating our needs is going to be as follows: 
 
I feel _________ about _________, and I need _________. 
 
Let’s take a look at some of the examples listed above and how we could communicate them.  

• I feel disconnected with how busy our schedules currently are, and I need quality time during dinner without any distractions or phones.  

• I feel overwhelmed with how busy I am at work, and I need a night alone to decompress.  

• I feel torn and unsure of how to handle our holiday plans, and I need us to prioritize discussing our holiday plans and coming up with a solution that honors both of our wishes.  

• I feel frustrated with the lack of organization in the house, and I need help tidying up this weekend.  

 
Don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t come naturally at first! As a society, we shy away from communicating our needs so it may feel clunky, awkward, or scary. We’re extremely vulnerable when trusting someone else to listen, respect, and honor our needs.  

Elise Grigg
LPC

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